THE CHRONICLES OF SEDENTARIUS

I recorded some more for the XOC album today. I even recorded a little bit of the NES Paul.
I made rough mixes of the 27 songs (out of 100+ in progress) that are done, and so far I've recorded five and a half minutes of music. These concept albums can be a real bitch. Snarf snarf.

I'm going to keep all the creative writing on myspace, where it belongs. Ho ho.
Here's my real blog.
I had some food earlier, it was pretty terrible. My arm hurts. My feet are cold. BLAGGGGG.


LJ just asked me, "RESTORE FROM SAVED DRAFT?" I clicked yes, and got the following text in the bargain:


That's all, "I boug." NICE.

The new Recreational Episiotomy album is nearly complete; there's a cover song still unfinished (Wizard Combat is gonna do guitars on it), and a few songs aren't mixed yet. But it's the best RecEpis album ever, not to mention the first that's not an EP - I might actually have to cut some tunes from this one. Maybe a pressed CD?

I'm collecting my notes for Recreational Episiotomy Dies at the Movies, an album of cover songs from movie soundtracks and film scores. Recreational Episiotomy Performs The Hits of the Beatles will have to wait, I'm afraid.

XOC has a bunch of unfinished business, too. One is a concept album - "videogame music in the style of other artists." I did a version of Zelda II in the style of the Beach Boys (specifically, in the exact style/timbre/arrangement of "Good Vibrations"), Mario Bros in the style of Anal Cunt, and I've finished 3 or 4 new songs since then. But now I'm rethinking the gimmick. It might be completely stupid. Plus, I'm not as good of a mimic as I thought I was.

The second unfinished album is Heavy Friends Vol. 3, which is not likely to be finished this year. It's so mousework-heavy, my tendonitis arm just can't do it anymore. I'm still continuing to work on it, it's just going very slowly.

The third unfinished album is about 40% complete. It might be an EP. It might have more than 100 songs on it. Too soon to tell.

OK, trazadone time. Neyenight.
to bed, what a day

P.S. say hello to my new tattoo!*  It's Japanese for AWESOME POWERDRAGON WHOOSH I CAN FLY


* joke

Does anybody remember me punching something with my left hand? There's a mysterious scab on my knuckles.
more to come

fart fart FART fart

i heartily enjoy wasting your time like this


SHUFFLE II

1. GG Allin – “Gimmie”
2. Negativland – “Acting Silly and Chewing Up ShaNaNa”
3. Butthole Surfers – “I Saw An X-Ray of a Girl Passing Gas”
4. Busdriver – “Staring at the Sun”
5. KnifeThruHead – “Bloody Skroat” (demo version)
6. James Brown – “The Boss”
7. T Rex – “Mad Donna”
8. Pixies – “The Thing”
9. Shudder To Think – “Chakka”
10. NWA – “A Bitch Iz a Bitch”
11. Neil Innes – “Erik the Viking”
12. S.O.D. – “The Camel Boy”
13. E-40 – “Circumstances”
14. Leon Redbone – “According To Our New Arrivals”
15. Ween – “Fat Lenny”
16. Genesis – “After The Ordeal”
17. Impaled Northern Moon Forest – “Forlorned Invocations of Blasphemous Congregations of Lusting Goat Sodomizing Sathanis”
18. DJ Assault – “Ass ‘n Titties”
19. Al Jolson & Bing Crosby – “Alexander’s Ragtime Band”
20. Tom Waits – “Just The Right Bullets”
21. Martin Denny – “Miserlou”
22. Rasputina – “Trenchmouth”
23. Frank Zappa – “The Sheik Yerbouti Tango”
24. Meat Loaf – “Paradise By The Dashboard Light”
25. David Bowie – “Song For Bob Dylan”
26. ESO Radio – “Xmas Brain Cells”
27. Dave Brockie Experience – “Dave’s Plan To Get Bin Laden” (live)
28. Gaston and Purcell – “Funiculi Funicula”
29. Minibosses – “Super Mario Bros 2”
30. Melvins – “Captain Pungent”
31. Howard Jones – “Things Can Only Get Better”
32. Huey Lewis & The News – “If You Really Love Me You’ll Let Me”
33. Frank Black – “Pray For The Girls”
34. GWAR – “The Private Pain of Techno Destructo”
35. Cannibal Corpse – “Fucked with a Knife”
36. Jack Costanzo & His Orchesta – “Peter Gunn Mambo”
37. Longmont Potioin Castle – “All Caps”
38. The Sundays – “Joy”
39. Prince – “Good Love”
40. Metallica – “Master of Puppets”
41. His Name Is Alive – “How Ghosts Affect Relationships”
42. Agoraphobic Nosebleed – “Engineering a Pill Frenzy”
43. Mr. Bungle – “The Holy Filament”
44. Rev. Ivan Stang – “The Piecemeal Rupture” (live at Starwood 2002)
45. Gleaming Spires – “Are You Ready For The Sex Girls?”
46. Death Piggy – “Boner”
47. Necro w/Maya – “Out The Pocket”
48. Naked City w/Mike Patton – “Dead Spot” (live in Vienna)
49. DEVO – “Clockout” (hardcore version)
50. Butthole Surfers – “Matchstick” (live)
51. Agoraphobic Nosebleed – “Osaka Milk Bar”
52. Temp Sound Solutions – “Tecmo World Wrestling”
53. Spike Jones and His City Slickers – “Love In Bloom”
54. Andrews Sisters – “Toolie Oolie Doolie”
55. Amandla – “Summer Deep”
56. Rush – “By-Tor and the Snow Dog”
57. Post Mortem – “Pickle Bucket”
58. Hall & Oates – “Rich Girl”
59. Boogles – “Robot Stripper”
60. Bob Barango – “Hoping For a Hole”
61. Anal Cunt – “Rene Auberjonois”
62. Sleepytime Gorilla Museum – “Ambugaton”
63. Ween – “Zoloft”
64. The Frogs – “Hades High School”
65. Fucking Champs – “Thor Is Like Immortal”
66. Danny Cohen – “I’m Not Me”
67. Recreational Episiotomy – “No Disc”
68. Carla Kihlstedt – “On Waking”
69. Vikki Carr – “The Silencers”
70. Return To Forever – “Majestic Dance”
71. Beach Boys – “Look”
72. Masada – “Mikreh”
73. Moistboyz – “Black Train”
74. Prince – “2morrow”
75. GG Allin – “Dope Money”
76. Agoraphobic Nosebleed – “Bipartisan Buttfuck”
77. Manfred Hubler & Siegfried Schwab – “Necronomania”
78. Uz Jsma Doma – “Ticho”
79. Carla Kihlstedt and Shahzad Ismaily – “Andast”
80. The Residents – “Plants”
81. Stemage / Metroid Metal – “Phendrana Drifts”
82. DEVO – “Ton o’ Luv”
83. Busdriver – “Happiness (Unit of Measurement)” (Prefuse 73 remix)
84. Fishbone – “Unyielding Conditioning”
85. The Captain Howdy – “Radio’s Broke”
86. The Beatles – “It’s All Too Much”
87. Angelo Moore – “Showtime (Famous But Not Rich)”
88. Billy Joel – “Tell Her About It”
89. Cake Like – “Getaway”
90. The Soundry Courter Project – “He’s So Personal”
91. teh d1v1n3 c0n5p1r4c – “Flywhip”
92. Frank Zappa – “Blessed Relief”
93. Bruce McCulloch – “Warehouse Prayer”
94. Mike Post – “The Rockford Files”
95. Funkadelic – “Better By The Pound”
96. Plas Johnson – “The Big Twist”
97. Various Unknown Artists (Soul Sisters compilation) – “Oh My, No White Boy Ever Done Me Like That Before”
98. Naked City – “Krazy Kat”
99. The Frogs – “The Longing Goes Away”
100. Secret Chiefs 3 – “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”

introducing a fascinating new series
one hundred random songs complete with commentary and discussion

SHUFFLE I

1. Naked City - "You Will Be Shot" (live)
2. Beatles - "Something" (demo)
3. Theophagus - "Mock Trial"
4. Frank Zappa - "T'Mershi Duween" (YCDTOSA Vol. 2 live version)
5. Longmont Potion Castle - "I Don't Beat Up Children"
6. His Name Is Alive - "Last American Blues"
7. Longmont Potion Castle - "Lesbian Magnet"
8. Cocteau Twins - "Heaven or Las Vegas"
9. They Might Be Giants - "I'm Def"
10. Negativland - "Please Don't Sue Us"
11. Negativland - "Crosley Bendix: Style (1989)"
12. Peter Holm - "Pappa, En Gang Till"
13. Agoraphobic Nosebleed - "Hammer Fight"
14. Frank Zappa - "Tryin' To Grow a Chin"
15. The Soundry Courter Project - "Foolish Chet on the Groundhog Run"
16. Anal Cunt - "Everyone in Allston Should Be Killed"
17. The Residents - "Kamikazi Lady"
18. They Might Be Giants - "1999" (live)
19. Crotchless Leather Wheelchair - "Planet X or Bust 2003"
20. Agoraphobic Nosebleed - "Time vs. Necessity"
21. Busdriver and Radioinactive with Daedelus - "Pen's Oil"
22. Devo - "37"
23. Olivia Newton-John - "Magic"
24. Tak Shindo - "Bali Ha'i"
25. The Residents - "Would We Be Alive?"
26. Misfits - "All Hell Breaks Loose" (live 1982)
27. FTRA - "Talkin' To The Moon"
28. Plastic Bertrand - "Ping Pong"
29. Ramones - "Swallow My Pride"
30. Negativland - "Helter Stupid"
31. T. Rex - "Rock On"
32. The Militant Children's Hour - "Little Ants"
33. Tom Waits - "Take It With Me"
34. The Click - "Victor Baron"
35. Wesley Willis - "Sara Shapiro"
36. The Residents - "Baby Skeletons and Dogs"
37. The Rutles - "It's Looking Good"
38. Devo - "It's Not Right"
39. David Bowie - "Moonage Daydream"
40. Lord Sitar - "Daydream Believer"
41. Neil Hamburger - "More Tragedies"
42. Grateful Dead - "Shakedown Street"
43. Anal Cunt - "Guess Which 10 of These Are Actual Song Titles"
44. The Twin Pianos of Henri Rose & Bobby Stevenson- "Cumana"
45. Cannabis Corpus - "Black Powder Surprise"
46. The Soundry Courter Project - "Toads on a Mustard Slip 'n' Slide"
47. Sam Butera - "Street Scene"
48. Fallen World - "Nearing the Final Stage"
49. Jayo Felony - "One Shot Kill"
50. Frank Zappa - "Sofa No. 1"
51. Naked City - "The Bitter and The Sweet"
52. Temp Sound Solutions - "Marowakwak"
53. Ween - "Nicole"
54. Ween - "Yolk"
55. Agoraphobic Nosebleed - "Mosquito Holding Human Cattle Prod"
56. Agoraphobic Nosebleed - "Driven to Succeed"
57. Cannibal Corpse - "Pulverized"
58. Nancy Wilson - "What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?"
59. Mr. Bungle - "Mr. Nice Guy" (self-titled rough mixes version)
60. Wings - "Uncle Albert / Admiral Halsey"
61. The Residents - "Safety is a Cootie Wootie Part 1: Prelude for a Toddler"
62. John Linnell - "Processional #1"
63. Melt-Banana - "P-Pop-Slop"
64. Negativland - "(Still More) Weatherman vs. The Monkees & Casual Talk"
65. John Zorn - "Samarkan"
66. Jimi Hendrix - "Cherokee Mist"
67. Sweet - "Fox On The Run"
68. The Beatles - "Hello Little Girl"
69. Busdriver - "Befriend the Friendless Friendster"
70. Milton DeLugg - "This Time Tomorrow"
71. Dead Kennedys - "Buzzbomb"
72. George Carlin - "White Harlem"
73. Tito Rodriguez - "The Magnificent Seven"
74. Rick Springfield - "Jesse's Girl"
75. Wizard Combat - "Enchantment +1"
76. Elvis Presley - "Santa Bring My Baby Back To Me"
77. Idiot Flesh - "Puppet Theatre"
78. Spamtron - "Ergonomicon"
79. GG Allin - "Teacher's Pet"
80. House The Grate - "Chrono Trigger Millennial Fair"
81. Paul Young - "Every Time You Go Away"
82. GWAR - "The Bonus Plan"
83. Melt-Banana - "Free The Bee"
84. Huey Lewis & The News - "The Power of Love"
85. The Advantage - "Contra - Boss Music"
86. National Lampoon Radio Hour - "American Safety Institue: Mad Dogs"
87. The Three Suns - "Ding Dong Dandy Christmas"
88. Old Man Homo - "Hitler Killed Himself"
89. Temp Sound Solutions - "Word of Command"
90. The Amps - "Pacer"
91. Joe Esposito - "You're The Best"
92. Kansas - "What's On My Mind"
93. The Breeders - "Buffy Theme"
94. Anal Cunt - "Slow Song From Split 7-inch"
95. Steely Dan - "Oh Wow It's You Again" (demo)
96. E-40 - "Hope I Don't Go Back"
97. Rasputina - "Fire & Ice"
98. Disneyland Audio Tour For The Blind - "New Orleans Square"
99. Pixies - "Ana"
100. Metallica - "Stone Cold Crazy"


THIS RANDOM PLAYLIST:

--included three instances of back-to-back artist selections.
--included one instance of back-to-back back-to-back artist selections.
--included five members of theshizz.org within a span of 15 selections.
--only has nine female artists (or bands with a female vocalist).
--contains four projects I'm included in.

from an Amazon review for a Taking Back Sunday album:

"A favorite lyric from this album '...and you can slit my throat, and with my last gasping breath, I'll apologize for bleeding on your shirt.'
Stuff like that is just like...WOW....."

The Chronicles of Sedentarius presents an exciting new feature

CLASSIC INTERNET BATTLES

VOLUME II: MAC VS. WINDOWS

Taken from a comments page on a well-known BitTorrent site

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Paul__24 at 2005-08-04 13:41 GMT:

From a Mac user: The rar files unpack without problems with Stuffit Expander. To play in QuickTime search on MacUpdate for XviD and AC3 codecs. VLC 0.8.2 plays it great without any downloads of any codecs (Windblows users might try this out, too).

and00r at 2005-08-09 06:07 GMT:

windblows??? fucking noob im not the one who wasted 2,000-5,000$ on a computer that cant do shit. cant play any cool fucking pc games on a mac (unless you have virtual PC which blows even more ass then the mac itself and takes 3x the system recources to run games because your running them using a fucking EMULATOR because mac is to retarted to set it up in a way where virtual pc uses a windows API) theres no fucking software and hardware for mac, and the few things that are out cost atleast twice as much compared to the same thing for PC. ipod blows ass, U2 is gay you fucking fagget. please dont badmouth wnidows... for the people here that do more with thier PC then download movies thinking their 1337. good luck with your shit machine buddy.

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AND THE WINNER IS: This should be obvious, even for a WNIDOWS user like me.

CITY FLAG REVIEW

1. Washington DC - not bad
2. Chicago IL - even better
3. Denver CO - cute
4. Phoenix AZ - fucking awesome
5. St. Louis MO - Cub Scouts on drugs
6. Wichita KS - a little too white power-ish for me
7. Portland OR - this is the bizarro nazi flag
8. Indianapolis IN - not bad
9. Louisville KY - shit
10. Corpus Christi TX - better than Louisville
11. Madison WI - a little too European for me
12. Jackson MS - this looks like a city flag, alright
13. San Antonio TX - this looks desperate
14. Des Moines IA - you're high
15. Richmond VA - all-American disco polevaulter
16. New Orleans LA - shit
17. Irving TX - corporate logo
18. Baltimore MD - even the colors say WARNING
19. Colorado Springs CO - it's the guy from Tron
20. Fremont CA - ripoff time
21. Dallas TX - shit
22. Cincinnati OH - whatever
23. St. Petersburg FL - somehow, this is OK
24. Pittsburgh PA - this flag fucking rules
25. Albuquerque NM - Albucaca
26. Omaha NE - is that supposed to be a tarbaby, or what
27. Minneapolis MN - stupid
28. Annapolis MD - I like it
29. Anchorage AK - oh, I get it, an ANCHOR
30. Seattle WA - like a steaming cinnamon bun
31. Philadelphia PA - it's like the Pittsburgh flag, only with shitty blue
32. Buffalo NY - this one is growing on me
33. Los Angeles CA - barf-o-mat-o-tron
34. Albany NY - whatever you say, Guido
35. San Francisco CA - this looks like public domain clip art
36. Fresno CA - I like it, it reminds me of coffee in the late 70's
37. New York NY - whatever
38. Jacksonville FL - now this is a flag that won't let you down
39. Birmingham AL - shit
40. Sacramento CA - this is the worst city flag in the history of everything, and I'm not just saying that
41. Springfield IL - more clip art
42. Wilmington DE - naaaaaaazzzzzzziiiiiii
43. Nashville TN - some clipping may occur
44. St. Paul MN - this gets props for (1) being square, and (2) looking like a robot whore
45. Montgomery AL - whatever
46. Topeka KS - shit
47. Oakland CA - authentic vintage distressed logo emo t-shirt
48. Shreveport LA - stupid, ugly, shit, whatever
49. Fort Smith AR - more like Fort Whatever
50. Charleston WV - not bad, blue border needs to go
51. Salem OR - hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
52. Fort Wayne IN - slow down, friend
53. Rochester NY - happy sleepy robot
54. Memphis TN - this should be a guitar and nothing else, you guys blew it
55. Houston TX - if this were a soda can label I'd drink it
56. Raleigh NC - if this were a cigarette pack logo I'd smoke it
57. San Diego CA - if this were a condom package logo I'd fuck with them
58. Arlington TX - this needs to be on the side of a zamboni
59. Cleveland OH - whateverland
60. Casper WY - a white horse on the flag that's a dark horse in the running! Ha ha ha ha oh funny
61. Riverside CA - a point of pride for the colorblind
62. Austin TX - majestic and boring
63. Jefferson City MO - if you turn it sideways they're stink lines
64. Concord NH - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
65. Tallahassee FL - Cacahassee
66. Charlotte NC - Cacahassee biters!
67. Fort Worth TX - fucking radness
68. Trenton NJ - that looks like a state flag to me
69. Chesapeake VA - squaredancing communists
70. Miami FL - more like Little Shitaly
71. Detroid MI - I drank syrup of patriotism and this is what my sheet looked like afterward
72. Columbus OH - you call 'em bus, I call 'em stupid fucking flag
73. Grand Forks ND - what you need is a Grand Seppuku Dagger
74. Harrisburg PA - I'd rather be playing Tempest
75. Little Rock AR - a generous amount of white
76. Mobile AL - same here
77. Worcester MA - collectable plate on a pool table
78. San Jose CA - no way, asshole
79. Tampa FL - way to be different, guy!  Plus you can fold it into the shape of a dildo
80. Baton Rouge LA - hahahahahahaha low self image
81. Cheyenne WY - fuck yeah, the brown reigns supreme
82. Newark NJ - a four-part miniseries
83. Plano TX - go take a nap
84. Carson City NV - reviewing city flags is stupid
85. Columbia SC - but we have so much to be proud of!
86. Garland TX - O-o-o-o-o Gee, my o-o Gee, well o-o Gee  why I love that girl, love that girl
87. Jersey City NJ - shit
88. Lincoln NE - 3-D glasses
89. Dover DE - nuts
90. Long Beach CA - a blue wave crests under piss-colored skies
91. El Paso TX - I want your badge number
92. Santa Ana CA - no more fucking yellow you assholes
93. Las Vegas NV - for that matter, no more blue
94. Toledo OH - crap on the ends and crap in the middle
95. Bismarck ND - censored
96. Atlanta GA - I like it
97. Augusta ME - drunk golfer's POV
98. Greensboro NC - majestic in a boring sort of way
99. Salt Lake City UT - come inside our twisted snowglobe
100. Stockton CA - whoa too big
101. Warwick RI - awwwww
102. Glendale AZ - very clever, boys
103. Kansas City MO - what?
104. Aurora CO - shit
105. Grand Rapids MI - low-key dark blue part 1
106. Billings MT - low-key dark blue part 2
107. Burlington VT - directed by Chuck Jones
108. Lansing MI - purple and orange, mmm
109. Olympia WA - de-press-sing
110. Augusta GA - you may leave with your dignity intact
111. Spokane WA - what in the FUCK were you thinking
112. Lexington KY - reviewing city flags is REALLY stupid
113. Bakersfield CA - no one will notice if you just steal another flag
114. Boise ID - boy oh boise LOL
115. Pierre SD - who?
116. Norfolk VA - now THAT is a flag, or at least a bumper sticker
117. Santa Fe NM - shut up
118. Manchester NH - who cares
119. Hartford CT - flag
120. Glendale CA - plain wrap beer
121. Gulfport MS - another flag
122. Honolulu HI - non-contiguousness is no escape from shitty flag design
123. Helena MT - points for the word "gulch"
124. Tulsa OK - make the T lowercase and set it on fire
125. Virginia Beach VA - bold color choice, unfortunately you have chosen poorly
126. Akron OH - amateur hour
127. Yonkers NY - bush league
128. Scottsdale AZ - piss-poor
129. Providence RI - you're a cop
130. Oklahoma City OK - fancy cigarettes
131. Portland ME - "Resurgam"? not with that attitude
132. Tacoma WA - you should be proud
133. Boston MA - you too
134. Juneau AK - WTF???? This flag is fucking rad
135. Tucson AZ - more like SUCKson AZZ
136. Charleston SC - whoaaaa awesome!
137. Anaheim CA - flag
138. Maui HI - pastel pirates
139. Bridgeport CT - steak n buffet
140. Frankfort KY - doodz
141. Montpelier VT - "A Place For Whites.(tm)"
142. Cedar Rapids IA - whoa ho ho! Wacky bubble town!
143. Provo UT - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA gay pride vitamins!
144. Lubbock TX - holy shit, this flag is INSANE
145. Hialeah FL - you can keep the flag but CHANGE THE NAME
146. Mesa AZ - Quality Service HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
147. Milwaukee WI - hella shit
148. Rapid City SD - try harder
149. Huntington WV - that's not how you draw an H
150. Pocatello ID - go into a thrift store and pick out a shirt and random, and this will be on it

WINNERS:

1st Place: Cheyenne
2nd Place: Phoenix
3rd Place: Pittsburg
Honorable Mention: St. Petersburg, Fort Worth, Juneau
Worst Flag: Sacramento

click here for reference purposes

So I did some creepy Google lurking ("googlurking"?) today looking for reviews for the SMW album, and here are my favorites:

#5 - "Hyperbole inducing!"
#4 - "Pretty good, if a little disturbing"
#3 - "What a load of toss."
#2 - "It's the musical equivalent to being hit in the face with a little bag of warm semen."

and the best quote:

#1 - "Usually game covers are lame but I’m enjoying this. It's still lame, but he did an awesome, awesome job."

And if anyone knows what the following paragraph says, let me know:

"Signaturen "xoc" har på ett beundransvärt sätt själv spelat in alla låtar från Super Mario World med en mängd olika instrument, och resultatet lär få dig att le med hela ansiktet! Ingen låt är glömd, varken lång eller kort, och det känns verkligen som ett SMW OST 2.0. Det verkar som planer fanns att ge ut det på mini-cd, men det fick tyvärr inte plats på en sådan med sina knappa 27 minuter. Utifrån beskrivningen av skivan i hans blog, verkar det som xoc har samma behandling på gång för något annat spel, för att sen slå ihop sina hobbyprojekt på en gemensam cd."

FUCK the petition to promote Cap'n Crunch to Admiral. (Admir'l? Adm'ral?) There needs to be a goddamned concerted effort to convince the Quaker company to reinstate VANILLY CRUNCH and PUNCH CRUNCH. Just because of a gay hippo and a sex-whale? Please. The kids today see FAR worse things in modern cartoons, at school, and in their bibles. And CHRISTMAS CRUNCH was okay but something tells me you won't see it around much anymore. As soon as I start to like something, like 7-UP GOLD or PEPSI HOLIDAY SPICE, it disappears. Feh.

The Chronicles of Sedentarius presents an exciting new feature

CLASSIC INTERNET BATTLES

VOLUME I: ARGUING ABOUT CHEERS

The argument in question:
Episode 13 of Season 1 (entitled "Now Pitching, Sam Malone")

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Sam tells Lana that he retired just before the Red Sox "became famous". This hints that Sam's last season with the Red Sox was 1974, a year before the Red Sox won the AL Pennant in 1975.

Re: note about Sam's retirement. When he said, "before they became famous" he did not mean when the Red Sox became famous. By they, he meant relief pitchers. Once upon a time, it was rare for starting pitchers to not complete a game. Now we have relief and closing pitchers on a regular basis.

No, he meant the Red Sox team. Malone was a celebrated relief pitcher for the Red Sox -- later he says he had a 5 year career, which would imply 1970-1974. Incidentally, closers were famous - ever heard of Hoyt Wilhelm, Dick Radatz, Rollie Fingers and so forth? You're thinking of MIDDLE relievers.

No, go back and view the episode again. Sam very clearly says that he was a relief pitcher before they got famous. There's no room for misinterpretation here -- the fact that he pitched for Boston Red Sox had not been introduced into the conversation at the point he makes this remark. Also, there are several occasions throughout the series (although not in this episode) that make it clear that Sam was pitching in 1975. In one ep, in fact, Sam and Coach specifically talk about their celebrations with the team after winning the AL pennant. The Red Sox only won the pennant once in the seventies: 1975.

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AND THE WINNER IS: Both combatants spell and punctuate well, both make good arguments, and neither is identifiable as their comments are just anonymous posts to a page on TVTome. Plus, I haven't seen that episode in a long time. But I would have to declare whoever posted 2nd and 4th the victor, based solely on the way they impudently ape the other poster's use of "no" to begin their statement.

"PISSING IN THE YARD"

2 AM—BACKYARD. HUSBAND is standing in boxers and a white undershirt, pissing on the grass. The porch light comes on and WIFE opens the door in a robe.

WIFE: What the fuck are you doing?
HUSBAND: ...peein’.
WIFE: Don’t piss out here, piss inside!
HUSBAND: I like pissin’ out here.
WIFE: Piss in the fucking bathroom.
HUSBAND: This uses less water, this way. Actually, it doesn’t use any. So there.
WIFE: You’re fucking gross. The kids play on that lawn!
HUSBAND: The dog pisses on this lawn too!
WIFE: That’s a dog, the dog is supposed to piss on the lawn.
(HUSBAND finishes and turns.)
HUSBAND: The dog can piss on the lawn and I can’t? It’s my house! It’s my grass!
WIFE: That’s the dog’s bathroom, the lawn.
(pause.)
HUSBAND: Which would you rather drink, human piss or dog piss?
WIFE: Shut the fuck up.
HUSBAND: No no, seriously. If you had to, human piss or dog piss?
WIFE: I’m not drinking any fucking piss.
HUSBAND: C’mon. It doesn’t have to be mine, it could be anybody’s.
WIFE: I am not answering you. Come to bed.
HUSBAND: C’mon. Human or dog.
WIFE: Shut up.
HUSBAND: Just answer, OK?
WIFE: …fine, dog piss, how do you like that?
HUSBAND: DOG PISS?
WIFE: I’d pick the dog over you.
HUSBAND: To drink its piss? So you’d drink dog piss, but you don’t mind walking on it. In the grass.
WIFE: It’s grass, dog’s are supposed to pee on it!
HUSBAND: So what’s the matter with ME pissing on it?
WIFE: You’re not...you’re not really a dog.
HUSBAND: (sarcastic) Ha ha. You said you’d drink dog piss.
WIFE: Over your piss, yeah.
HUSBAND: OK, but what if you had picked human piss?
WIFE: Yeah, what if, huh?
HUSBAND: If you’d drink human piss, you shouldn’t have a problem walking on it.
WIFE: I never said I’d drink human piss.
HUSBAND: What if it was your own? Eh?
WIFE: I don’t piss on the lawn.
HUSBAND: Ah, that’s not the question anymore. Would you drink your own piss, or dog piss?
WIFE: Why would I drink ANY piss?
HUSBAND: If you had to.
WIFE: I don’t have to. And you don’t have to piss on the lawn.
HUSBAND: I’m conserving water!
WIFE: You’re making me not want to walk on the grass anymore.
HUSBAND: Ah, but you already walk on dog piss, so what’s the difference?
WIFE: Because you, standing out here, pissing on the grass, is fucking gross.
HUSBAND: You’re just upset that you can’t do it.
WIFE: I could fucking piss on the grass if I wanted to. If I had to.
HUSBAND: Oh, come on.
WIFE: No, seriously, you guys act like you’re the only ones who can piss outside. I’ve pissed outside, in the woods, it’s not that great.
HUSBAND: Because you’re not a guy.
WIFE: No, because piss is gross, and it’s stupid to piss out here when you should be pissing on me…I mean, in the toilet. Inside.
(Pause.)
HUSBAND (“breaking character”, almost apologetic): Is this working?
WIFE (also “breaking character”): I...not really. I’m sorry.
HUSBAND: No, I...
WIFE: No, it’s me, I’m not really, y’know...
HUSBAND: No, what is it? We can do something different—
WIFE: No, I’m just not...I haven’t been into the pee stuff lately.
HUSBAND: Really? You used to get so worked up about it.
WIFE: I know, I’m sorry. I’m just not feeling it anymore. I’m actually starting to feel genuinely annoyed, not just acting it.
HUSBAND: Oh. Oh, well, I didn’t—
WIFE: No, no no no, you’re perfect, I love you. I know you’re doing this for me, you did it perfect, I’m just not…I’m not in a, y’know, “piss place” right now.
HUSBAND: You used to love that, in the shower—
WIFE: Yeah, I know, with the...yeah...(they both non-verbally describe him pissing on her face)
HUSBAND: Yeah. What happened to that? I liked that.
WIFE: No, you didn’t.
HUSBAND (reassuringly): Suuuure I did! I was getting into it—
WIFE: You were NOT.
HUSBAND: No, really, I got into the fact that you were getting into it.
WIFE: Oh, but that’s not getting into it.
HUSBAND: Sure it is! I was totally into the faces you made...
(They continue talking as they walk back into the house.)

THE END

Why am I posting this? Almost all of my Livejournal friends are on MySpace (where this was originally posted), I LIVE with TWO of you, and you've probably heard this Soundry Courter stuff already anyway. But here's that bulletin again, in the interest of marketing (maybe you wanna send some of your creepy internet buddies in the direction of this link: http://www.insidesmusic.com/insidesmusic/soundrycourter.html)

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The Best of the Soundry Courter Project Vol. 1 is available now!

It's been a long time coming, and best of all, it's FREE! Free downloads and (coming in the next week or so) a dirt-cheap CDR version, all compliments of the insane collective of copyleft cutups over at INSIDESMUSIC.COM.

Hope you dig the first collection of songs. There's hundreds more on the way, since I never stopped making new Soundry Courter. It seems as though I still have the same boring job.

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...the only other thing I wanted to add is that technically, I'm labelmates with LONGMONT POTION CASTLE. And if you don't think that's great then I'm gonna bring a branch to your jaw pretty quick.

pull the cork on a cold bottle of pork
and measure the torque in my pneumatic mic
It's charismatic from here to New York
and back again on a girl's bike
raining pitchforks on rich dorks
like Bjork and Thom Yorke.
the calm before the storm
is a dirty bomb to keep you warm
and feed you stork from my freshwater koi pond
cuz I'm fond of things that transform like Metroplex
anal sex with a Gobot and a dildo with kung fu grip
fast-paced racin' RC cars with Marcy Mars in titty bars
with shitty cigars in my lip
so don't trip over my roachclip, an alligator clip
the size of a crocodile.
'cuz I'd walk a mile just to talk awhile with your soccer mom
Anna Cruz. She's the bomb AND the fuse.
The type my right hand'll use for masturbation
Welcome to Ejaculation Nation
learn the sign language or get the hell out through deportation
piano wire for strangulation, a rubber tire for transportation
increased higher reparations for the cease-fire violation
when my niece said "fuck the police" and "suck the police" and "blow the cops"
while she was growing crops of barley and hops
and doing Chris Farley bellyflops
under tarps painted like swimming pools
'cuz only women drool while Cooper bleeds and supercedes
any attempt to evade capture.
He slaps your face with a suitcase like MacGyver
when it's time for Rapture this car will have no driver.
so on Donner and Prancer and Dasher
and Blitzen when Santa Claus gets in
a demolition derby with Rav4's that no longer have doors
or fenders or bumpers or trunk lid thumpers
smashing speakers with style, throwing tweeters in piles
listening to Eat 'Em and Smile at the Scott Peterson trial

we got our pipe of peace on
in the Nissan with a new lease on
life and a butane can at the champagne jam
with a butter knife and a Wu-Tang Clan
maxi-single with no bonus tracks
so phone us back or fax
and we'll make the beast with three backs and two racks
with an orange safety vest and a bike helmet and no slacks
swinging an axe like a meter reader
gone hysteric and barbaric
homicidal and generic
just a pair of clerics Eric and Peter
meet and greet Derek Jeter in a bird feeder
but it's a two-seater like your Karmann Ghia
that I filled up with diarrhea in front of the
old abandoned haunted pizzeria
pepperoni ghosts make leopard and pony toast
roasting yeast into a feast fit for Donny Most
but the trouble is it's Bubblicious
and the Similac fat actress filled up your Acura with
similar to simulacra like a diarrhea-filled Karmann
but there's no harm in
wrecking selections from "Carmen" with Mark Harmon
at the banquet table where this electric anklet's able
to keep me on house arrest
Bizet and Strauss attest
that the blouse on her chest is heaving
and I'm leaving before I wake up screaming
at the top of my lungs and chop off my tongue
and eat meat loaf and sofa waste out of a trophy case
while Eric Dolphy's face on the ceiling appears
singing "Reelin' in the Years" with Darjeeling in his ears
like two teabag earrings but the Sea Hag is steering
and the windshield is opaque and shows no signs of clearing
and it's like looking through brown smoke 'cuz as a joke
I filled up the F-150's cab with Tab and Diet Coke

I dunno... this somehow reminds me of this.

1. There is no such thing as a "healthy competition."

2. I can't say that I'm all that smart, since it's impossible for me to comprehend how fucking stupid people are.